Pope Leo XIV to Crown Trump as Holy Roman Emperor
In a surprise to many, as both liberals and conservatives, looking at his past posts, have considered him to be an “anti-Trump” liberal, Pope Leo XIV has decided to crown Donald Trump as the new “Holy Roman Emperor” in a ceremony that will be held next month in Rome.
Following in the vein of Pope Leo III, who crowned Charlemagne as the first Holy Roman Emperor, Pope Leo XIV determined that the world’s current highly troubled state needs a strong Christian ruler who will also happen to back the personal interests of the pope.
Donald Trump, the Ecumenical President of the United States and Nominally of Canada, Greenland, Panama, Gaza, and the Occupied Mexican Territories, was, of course, the logical choice. He’s not a member of the Habsburg dynasty, of course, and yes, this technically does mean that Trump will be usurping the right of Edouard Hapsburg, but the doctrine of the two swords from the early medieval papal bulls Duo Quippae Sunt and Unam Sanctam do give the pope the right to once again instantiate and crown Trump as the current age’s new universal Christian emperor.
Trump will retain the constitutional office of the U.S. president while holding the title of emperor, but reportedly, hasn’t yet decided whether he will phase out “the old-fashioned” U.S. constitution and embrace a fully imperial style of government for the United States, Canada, the Americas, Europe, and all other lands which will fall into his new imperial sway.
In return for crowning Trump as emperor, just as with the crowning of Charlemagne twelve centuries ago, Pope Leo XIV will receive the full military and economic aid of the United States on behalf of the Vatican City state and the Catholic Church, and Trump will at some soon-to-be-determined date become Catholic and begin enforcing Catholic social teaching in the United States by executive order.
Democrats, of course, are opposed and freaking out over this new monarchical direction for the United States, but are slightly subdued in their protests over their largest fear coming true because Pope Leo XIV has threatened to “bring back the Inquisition against anyone who threatens the just public order of the new regime.”
Elon Musk will also receive a titular role in the Vatican Dicastery for Communications as well as the Pontifical Academy for the Sciences as part of the deal.
I don't know if I would choose Trump for the job, but it would be awesome if we could go back to the monarchy!
You know there are Seventh Day Adventists shaking in there boots over this very possibility. They know they will be persecuted for not worshiping on Sunday. An American pope is proof of the highest order.