SSPX Puts Out Job Posting on Indeed for Bishops

Qualified Candidates Are Out There, No Consecration Needed

St. Mary’s, Kansas - The Society of St. Pius X, having found itself down to only two bishops has been considering consecrating more for the last few years, especially given the now advanced age of Bishop Fellay and Bishop de Galarreta. But another option revealed itself to the management staff of the Society at a board meeting this month. Rather than going through the canonical difficulties of consecrating more bishops to perpetuate their world-spanning organization, they will simply hire unemployed and already consecrated Bishops from around the Catholic trad-world.

“I mean we’ve got unemployed candidates out there like Bishop Strickland and Archbishop Vigano out there who mostly align with our views,” commented Bishop Fellay at the Society’s monthly board meeting. “They’re famous, our enemies believe they’re validly consecrated even if they’re personally unsure about it, and they might even be able to bring many Vatican-II Catholics over to us.”

While this is a novel step, the state of necessity justifies it, other board members believe, in concurring with Fellay’s plan. “The victims get to determine what we need to do,” said Seth Massman, a theologian on the SSPX board who defends the society, and we can best hire new bishops through Indeed, so I think we ought to use that platform.”

The SSPX does not know exactly how many qualified candidates there are out there, but they do expect that they will have to do a lot of vetting, as they expect sedevacantists like Bishop Tetherow to apply just for kicks, and “of course, we would never be sedevacantist” Massman added. “None of our bishops have ever had done so, and Lefebvre would not have tolerated such behavior. We’ll, of course, have to use an electron microscope to check for the tell-tale signs of valid consecration as some so-called bishops will probably be fake. We’ll also do conditional re-consecrations just to be safe. We always follow the tutiorist principle here at the Society.”

Unfortunately, the SSPX will have a tough time recruiting quality candidates and may be forced to up their rather low pay rates and monastic-like working conditions as we’ve just learned that Most Holy Family Monastery is also trying to hire a “compliant bishop who will obey the Dimonds in thought, word, and deed” and is willing to pay “lots of cool hard cash for verifiable pre-V2 ordination” in their candidates.

One member of the SSPX board has objected to listing the job posting on Indeed, suggesting that the site has “modernist tendencies” but the rest of the board overruled him as, according to Fellay, “sadly LinkedIn’s algorithm is even worse and will only give us female candidates for some reason or another.”