Catholic Unity Achieved as Everyone Who Claims to be Catholic Briefly Turns Sedevacantist
Everyone, I guess, except "Pope" Michael
Vatican City - Unity has been achieved amidst all the normal expected brands of schismatics, sediprivationist, sedevacantists, recognize and resisters, “mainstream” Catholics and all the other kinds whose names escape me at the moment with the recent death of Pope Francis as everyone has briefly turned sedevacantist today
“We may not agree on much,” said the sediprivationist Bishop Sanborn of the Roman Catholic Institute (RCI). “But right now I find myself in the same position as all those ‘Novus Ordo’ Catholics I dislike, all those SSPXers I spar with, all those Dimondites I dispute, and all those muddy, afraid-to-take-a-stand-SSPVers over there.”
Fr. Mike Schmitz of Ascension Presents (Bible in a Year) agrees. “I mean I could maybe have seen it coming, but right now who would have thought that I would today think the same things as Kennedy Hall and Peter Dimond about the state of the Church. Well, today I do.”
While the Dimond brothers of Most Holy Family Monastery have yet to issue a new video in response to the death of the Pope (Give them a break, it takes time to update their lore and make new prophecies, even with ChatGPT…). Dimondite followers have been forced to admit as much in their private server discussions.1 “We’re on the same side as ‘Novus Ordites’?” one queried another. “That can’t be. We’ve got to be different. How about if we believe that the Seat of Peter is filled and can’t be occupied by anyone new right now? I can’t bear believing the same thing as all those people, even if it’s only temporary."
“Right,” said one of his friends, “Let’s be sedeplenitudinists for the next few weeks. The See of Peter is so full that it can’t take anyone, and so no who fills it is a real Pope because the see is already full.”
Of course the few self-appointed “Popes” like Pope Jacobus I, Pope Michael, etc., taking a break from their mutual arguments with each other on X, disagree vehemently, arguing that they are the only true non-sedevacantists right now and everyone else is only an imposter. But let’s take our wins where we have them. Right now, practically all of us agree. Do those “popes” even have real (i.e. non-bot) followers?
Of course we’ll disagree about how we get out of our current position. Many of the brands of sedevacantists on the schismatic buffet will immediately claim that any new Pope elected in a few weeks is an anti-Pope the moment he is elected. Others will take a few hours to make the same claim and return to being sedevacantists (the ones who actually have to do a few Google searches to read the background of the next Pope before coming to their expected conclusion. Some might even take a a day or two to return to being sedevacantist (intellectually or practically speaking).
Technically, Orthodox might even laugh at us and point out for the next few weeks that practically speaking we have a conciliar form of Church government, just like them. Yeah, I guess. But we actually have a way out of the problems that conciliarism causes and they right now kind of don’t. So well I say, take that.
While we here at Irkutsk Ice Truckers (IIT) do not make it a normal practice to endorse a Papal candidate, we have already taken some advertisement buys on our site from a sister organization of ours (Irkutsk Ice Truckers Political Department Inc.). Irkutsk Ice Truckers Political Department Inc. has decided to endorse Cardinal Robert Sarah for the Papacy and Archbishop Athanasius Schneider (upon being made a Cardinal) to be Cardinal Sarah’s Secretary of State. You may see some “Sponsored” pieces from “Irkutsk Ice Truckers Political Department Inc.” through the
news feed in support of Cardinal Sarah. Know that these come merely from the the opinions of “Irkutsk Ice Truckers Political Department Inc.” and not from “Irkutsk Ice Truckers” properly speaking. We remain, uhh, neutral. Individual authors here on IIT may also express their own personal opinions independently on this site. These are not necessarily the opinion of IIT itself. But did I tell you how much I like a certain cardinal from Guinea named Rob…
This prophetic IIT article from the future is also completely coincidental:
Fearful Over Coming Restrictions on Novus Ordo, Fr. James Martin Launches the "Society of St. Bugnini I"
New York City, April 1, 2027 - Recently elected Pope Celestine VI’s (Cardinal Robert Sarah) January 2027 motu proprio Traditiones Restorantes making the “Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite” (a.k.a. TLM) into the primary and normal form of the liturgy within the Western Church, has Novus Ordo aficionados worried that the “Ordinary Form” mass could soon…
For now, again, we’re all united on something. So, let’s pray for the repose of the soul of Pope Francis, breathe a sigh of relief that we’re all reset and back to zero on our Popesplaining for at least a month, don’t have to argue with sedevacantists for a month, and don’t even need to really even worry too much about the outcome.
I am greatly intrigued to see how long it takes certain groups to officially declare the next Pope to be an anti-Pope. Will a very conservative Pope lead to schismatic groups reconciling with the visible hierarchy? Or within themselves?
Why is there no VaticanCatholic.com video on Pope Francis’s death yet?
Indeed, unity. We are all sedevacantists
For now, I think we all have to pray that the new Pope, whoever he is will do a couple of things differently.
Specifically, he should return us to strict Catholic theology and keep his nose out of politics!
I’ll be praying mightily!