16 Comments
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Emily G.'s avatar

This is too real, haha.

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👟Mike Schuster👟's avatar

Wow I'd hate to have the last name Schuster right now.

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James R. Green's avatar

"Cardinal Gunter Schuster" has been my satire version of a leftist German bishop for years, I'm sorry you share his name.

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👟Mike Schuster👟's avatar

Haha I thought that sounded like the most German name ever.

Everyone has to have a black sheep in the family. When you're German there's usually a herd of them though.

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Liturgy in the Home with Maria's avatar

Such a thoughtful piece. My first thought as a mother of young children was, “How would I get scuba gear for them?” I feel seen now!

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Everett Polinski's avatar

Good morning concerned member of the faithful. We would love to help you along your faith journey.

You can buy scuba gear for you and your family from the official USCCB store after you and each of your children pass a background check, complete a 3 hr individual interview each with a Jesuit review board of approval chaired by Fr. James Martin, and profess your absolute allegiance to the synodal process. The application fee for the background check is only $2,999 per person, an absolute bargain which goes to support struggling transgender convents in Zimbabwe in accessing contraception. Please note that any knowledge of the Church fathers, St. Thomas Aquinas, the canons of any Council, or having more than five children are automatic disqualifier for receiving the background check. We don't want tradition spreading too fast, don't we?

Two weeks to slow the spread of tradition, brothers and sisters in Synodality.

Cardinal Gunter Schuster

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Paul L's avatar

I would SO go to underwater Holy Mass!

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Everett Polinski's avatar

Don't get too excited.

They're pondering moving it to Mars in 2026.

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Susan Sherwin's avatar

That's some asperges!, if the water is holy.

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Everett Polinski's avatar

Matt Fradd - "Well g-day mates. We need to cut Bishop Brown some slack here. This move isn't proving he's woke and liberal but actually shows he's right in line with Tradition. By moving Mass underwater it shows that he loves the spirit of the catacombs and wants to restore the discipline and faith of the early Church within his diocese. Also, by having Mass there it means that the asperges is blessing all the water. Imagine that. How beautiful. It's like you're swimming in grace. God bless Bishop Brown!"

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Lydia Davidson's avatar

Now do Michael Lofton

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David Hoffman's avatar

Sounds like quite the Scheister!!!!!🤣😂

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Ugochukwu Paul Nwaeze's avatar

It's because of this that I'm a Sedevacantist

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James R. Green's avatar

The main reason among others that I could never accept sedevacantism is that it takes away Papal infallibility or authority ever having any practical weight. But if you're willing to talk more about it, email me at jamesgreenAV@gmail.com

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Ugochukwu Paul Nwaeze's avatar

I will send an email nonetheless to talk about this further if you are willing

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Ugochukwu Paul Nwaeze's avatar

Based on your statement here, I'm almost convinced that you are not properly aware of Sedevacantism because it's because of papal infallibility and authority that Sedevacantism rests.

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